On Boundaries: Mending and Tending Fences

A kind of a buzzword in the field of addictions and mental health is a word called codependency.  This arose out of the effect that alcoholism was noted to have in the wife of the alcoholic;  she tended to cover up   and make excuses for her mate’s disease as it manifested in various habits where he tended to be less than functional.  For example, she would call his employer and say he was sick, when he had really been out the night before to tie one on.  Or, as the disease progressed and he became less functional in terms of  doing what he was supposed to do in his role as husband and father; she would overcompensate,  for example, by being the one to do all of the chauffeuring to soccer games, handling all the finances, keeping the household running, plus working a job and a half.   She became very tired and very resentful.  Melody Beattie wrote many books on this subject, such as Codependent No More.   Groups with the name of the acronym CODA, (Codependents Anonymous) have sprung up all over the country.  These are also twelve-step programs and they can be very helpful.  People who have grown up…